While everyone’s mama is hyping up Kundalini, it seems like it’s become a mandatory item on the modern spirituality checklist, doesn’t it? Because if they’re practicing and I’m not, how could I avoid that creeping FOMO? As someone who claims to be “spiritual” (insert sarcastic wink here), I obviously had to be first in line to try it. Otherwise, how would I lead my clients and students down my grand, enlightened path?

All jokes aside, Kundalini is as big a buzzword as TikTok or ChatGPT these days. I’d heard about it here and there, but I never felt drawn to it—until a self-proclaimed “master” popped up (everyone’s a master these days) and declared Kundalini the new gateway to “Quantum Travel.” According to them, it’s far superior to the “low-level” practices of out-of-body experiences (OBE) a.k.a. astral projection (AP). Because, as we know, humans’ egos never miss a chance to degrade others—we’ve got to belittle entire metaphysical practices too.

So, what’s this Quantum Travel, the little me asked? According to the master, Kundalini practice will launch our soul like a skyrocket straight into the highest plane. But beware: the energy is so intense it’ll make us want to vomit at first. Apparently, OBE—where our soul simply steps out for a stroll—is bound by all these pesky realm restrictions, leaving our soul still trapped in the so-called draconian matrix. But Quantum Travel? Oh no, that’s the golden ticket to true freedom. Enough said! Sign me up now!

Kundalini: My Epic Failure with the Serpent Energy

Curiosity kills the cat, but I wasn’t about to jump into this blindly. I have clients to help, responsibilities to maintain, and a reputation for my accuracy to uphold. So, I carefully carved out time to explore this, pausing my regular practices to give Kundalini my full attention. Suddenly, I was in a full-blown relationship with my new lover—Kundalini. Starting in November, I committed to the signature breathing techniques and followed all the steps.

At first, I was optimistic. But the more I practiced, the more I couldn’t shake my psychic vision that I was inviting a massive snake into my body, mind, and soul. Remember that movie Anaconda with J.Lo in it? Yes, I know the snake is a symbol of energy in Kundalini, and I’m not here to say it’s inherently bad. It just didn’t vibe with me. Over time, my chakras became blocked, my energy felt hijacked, and—worst of all—my psychic abilities began to nosedive. I had to stop working with clients to avoid delivering subpar service.

By the way, I hereby apologize if you were one of those clients who couldn’t get ahold of me for almost a year. I wasn’t ghosting you—I was busy ghostbusting myself.

The story continues: I told myself this was just part of the “transformation process.” I ignored my intuition, my spirit team, and every warning sign, determined to push through for the promised reward of Quantum Travel. But by January, I was flat on my back, sick in bed for six months. Recovery was long and grueling—I had to cleanse my energy, evict J.Lo (sorry, I mean that snake), and rebuild my metaphysical abilities from the ground up before I could return to work.

Let me be clear: I’m not here to bash Kundalini. Every practice resonates differently with each person, and I know thousands of people benefit from Kundalini. For me, pure sound and singing align perfectly with my energy because of my music background. But for you, the only “master” who truly knows what’s best is yourself.

The Latest Trend: Removing Our Chakras?

And just when I thought I’d heard it all, another “spiritual master” recently claimed we should dismantle and remove our chakra system entirely because they’re supposedly energy leaks for low-vibrational entities to feed on 24/7. Really? Remove all the chakras? I would understand if someone doesn’t cleanse and realign their chakras properly—they might be prone to attacks or energy leaks if left open. But claiming that each of us is feeding low-vibrational entities 24/7 and must completely remove all the chakras? Really? No psychic or medium in history has ever spotted these entities hanging out, feasting on their chakras daily. Where are they? I’d happily chase them off with the dirtiest toilet brush I can find. (Fun fact—not really fun: people who had their chakra systems removed now complain they can’t feel joy, love, or even talk properly. Shocker.)

Here’s the deal: spirituality is in its Black Friday sale era. Information and practices are everywhere, but not all of them align with your truth or sovereignty. Some will empower you, while others may not. Choose carefully and tread lightly. You don’t want to end up like me—sick in bed for months, if lucky. If not, you might need to hire a specialist to banish any energy or entities you accidentally invited.

Last but not least, this isn’t about comparing what’s better or worse. It’s about what matches your energy, what makes you feel good. Spirituality is deeply personal, and only you can decide what’s right for you. Just like some people love J.Lo, some adore Taylor Swift, and some are into… Harry Armpits.

Leave a comment if you have something to say—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Kari Light ❤

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Photography taken in Spain, Summer 2024.